


Sorry, No Refunds

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Competitive salesmanship, Gratuitous amounts of banter, Improper use of sex toys, M/M, Poor daichi, Sex Shop Workers AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7567108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A day in the life of Oikawa's contemplation of just where his life went so damn wrong.<br/>A day in the life of Sugawara's contemplation of just where his life went so damn right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry, No Refunds

“Morning, Oikawa. What’s new?”

“Well this coffee _was_ new, but apparently politely incentivising you to show up here on time with a hot drink still isn’t enough to get your ass out of bed at 7am. Two of our new shipments arrived, and I’ve reorganized the lingerie by size. How about you?” Oikawa scolded Sugawara, scowling as his very late co-worker headed in to the back, abusing the customer changing rooms to get in to his uniform and re-emerging to put his bag in the staff room. He lazily reheated the coffee Oikawa had so courteously bought, letting the smell of the caffeine booster waft in to his face, quickly sending his mood from “I’ve made terrible life choices” in to “I am ready to deal with several very, very uncomfortable people who are afraid of silicone dicks.”

“Great. Any customers yet? Sounds like a sleepy morning.”

“Have we ever had a single customer at this time of day? I’m not sure there are many dildo enthusiasts on the prowl at 8am. Oikawa’s eyes never left the book he was idly reading on top of the glass counter. A cash register sat next to him with a latch door next to the register, his only way in and out of corner he carried out most of his work in, walled off by several glass cabinets, the locks facing inwards towards Oikawa for him to unlock, and filled with the more luxurious and expensive products they carried. Sugawara believed scrambling over the counters was a much quicker and effective method of getting away from the gloomy, dark corner that was the cash register. Oikawa enjoyed putting cardboard display boxes with things such as small lubricant bottles or a wicker basket of ‘free condoms: take one’ on the counter to discourage it.

“You’re here aren’t you?” Sugawara had re-emerged in the store uniform, a rather suggestive uniform that he may have been type casted for while seeking employment, a waistcoat, rolled up sleeves, pinstripe pants and the belt and shoes to match. It was uncomfortably tight, most likely out of design. It didn’t do much to help the reputation of sex stores being sleazy, but they owned it and tried to act as if they were the servants here to help any customer find what they need, all while with a smile on their face.

“Ha ha. Classic. The ‘I know you are but what am I’ shtick. What are you, twelve?” Playful banter was still not enough to take Oikawa’s focused eyes away from what was clearly an exceptionally engaging book. Sugawara made little attempt to try and work out what it was. There was obviously an air of passive aggression that, while he wanted to defuse, was probably not the right place to start polite chit chat about his colleague’s hobbies and interests.

“Well my dear chap, I’m afraid I can’t be twelve. No under eighteens allowed in store, remember?” Sugawara smirked, then began speaking again to stop Oikawa before he had any chance to retaliate. “Anyway, business. Let’s get down to business. Our two shipments arrived? What are they? They boss never told me, and I can only assume that because I can’t see any changes to our wonderful décor, you’ve either been told not to open them, you’re too much of a baby to open a few heavy duty boxes, or you have no idea what to do with them without me.” Oikawa was riled up yet again by Sugawara’s attempts to deflect any and all problems on to him. Their working relationship was strained to say the least.

“No, I just figured that if you’re going to show up late and completely disregard work ethic, then I should to. They’re in the back. Go unbox them and set them up somewhere. And before you ask, no, I don’t know what they are.” Sugawara revelled in the mystique surrounding two new boxes of whatever wonderful and wacky things they might be beginning to stock. There were no word from the boss on what to do with them, so Sugawara took it in his stride to work out what it was he was supposed to be doing with them.

 

The backroom of the shop, what could be construed as a small warehouse when in reality it was a glorified storage closet, was filled wall to wall (and a few aisles constructed by piles of boxes and industrial sized shelving units) with just about anything one could ever hope to use in their sex life, and then some. There was a persistently faint smell of silicone and palm oil, the latter from a minor storage room accident involving a luxurious brand of massage oil that found itself nestled tidily in glass bottles in the corner of the room, until one fateful day in which Oikawa thought he was a competitor for Olympic weightlifting competitions, hoisted the box against his chest, and immediately realised he was, in fact, all aesthetic and no strength. The box full of glass bottles crashed in to the ground and the wonderful scent has not left their storage room since.

 

It quickly dawned upon Sugawara that Oikawa hadn’t actually told him which of the assortment of boxes in the room the new ones were. He poked his head out of the door, bugging Oikawa from his so enthusiastic reading to ask.

“So. Oikawa.”

“What did you do?” Oikawa sensed that Sugawara’s sheepishness was the direct consequence of him finding a way to fuck up in record time.

“Nothing! Yet.”

“Classic you.”

“Thanks. I try to keep up my image while still getting paid. Anyway, which boxes are the new ones?”

“The brown ones.”

“Hilarious.”

“No, really, the brown ones. On the floor by the door. The ones that are stacked up on top of each other and are completely and utterly untouched and unopened. I would have thought you couldn’t miss them, but alas, I overestimated you yet again.” Sugawara did not take kindly to Oikawa’s air of superiority.

“I have more employee of the month awards than you.”

“And you’ve been working here two months longer!”

“I have three more awards.”

“Open the fucking boxes and get back to work before customers start showing up!”

 

Sugawara returned to fiddling with boxes in the storage room, trying to remember how he was supposed to open the box cutter without turning it in to an artery cutter. Once the mess of tape had been attended to with his blade, he dragged the open boxes (but still topped with padding and bubblewrap) in to the store to have the grand unveiling in front of Oikawa.

“Ladies and gentlemen, both, neither and everything in-between. We are gathered here today for the grand spectacle, the unveiling we’ve all been waiting for.”

“Suga shut the hell up and open the box.”

“Right. Let’s see what’s inside.” Sugawara ripped aside bubblewrap like a child on Christmas morning, eventually revealing several more boxes inside the box, 3 x 3 grid four boxes deep. Their store was now in the possession of 12 delicately crafted, intricately designed…

“What the heck is that?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Do we have permission to open one up?”

“Read the box. It’ll probably say what it is in on the box.”

“Ahem, ‘Luv Me Fast Realistic Feel 100% Medical Grade Silicone 14 Speed Vagina and Ass for Men (Black)”

“Catchy name.”

“Oikawa, I’m opening one up. For display purposes.” Sugawara attacked the next layer of packaging.

“Give me a second to wrap my head around this. It’s a vagina, and it’s an ass, and it has 14 speeds?”

“Haven’t you ever been in a vagina and ass, Oikawa? Everyone knows they have 14 speeds. I get you’re a virgin but I’d expect better knowledge from a sex store clerk.”

“Oh yeah, virgin, absolutely, all those times I used my employee discount on lingerie? It was all for me. Absolutely. You caught me. I’ve never had a girlfriend in my entire life, I just love wearing frilly panties.”

“Uh, am I intruding?”

“For the love of god…”

 

The first customer of the day had made his arrival just in time to hear Oikawa sarcastically talk about his ex-girlfriend’s underwear as if it was his own.  He stood awkwardly as Oikawa stuttered in an attempt to save face, knowing he couldn’t really reveal the full details of the conversation they just had to a random customer, and trying to distract him from the fact that Sugawara was currently investigating a now unboxes silicone whatever-the-hell-it-was.

“Uh, sorry, we’re just dealing with some new stock. How can I help you?”

“I want to buy a joke, uh, gag present gift thing for a friend…” Oikawa wasn’t sure if the customer was exceptionally awkward because of the situation he had just walked in on, the fact he was in a sex shop, or he was just too ashamed to say he wanted to shove something up his butt this evening.

“Hmm, what kind of present gift thing for a friend are you looking for?” Oikawa unlatched the flip up door to release himself from the cashier’s area, getting face to face with their customer and ready to dive in to whatever area of the store would be most suitable. Sugawara was still on the floor fiddling with their new toy, rather in the way of things and looking out of place.

“Well, I… I don’t know. I don’t know anything about these things.” Oikawa brooded for a moment before deciding the best course of action is to deliver the usual brief tour of the store with an overview of their best sellers and a couple of extras. Regardless of the customer claiming (in the most completely and utterly believable matter that Oikawa had absolutely not seen a hundred times before) they were after a gag gift, he was still going to get in to the technical aspects of everything as if he really was trying to pitch it to somebody.

“Alrighty, well, let’s start over here… Motherfucker! Suga get out of the way. You’re a walking health hazard.”

“Not my fault I have looks that can kill.”

“Get to the back.” Sugawara pouted and picked up the boxes as he hauled himself back in to the storage room, never truly wishing to have to work quietly and alone in the grey and beige prison of concrete and boxes.

“Fine. I guess I have to work out how this thing works while I’m there anyway.”

“Do not put your dick in a display toy!”

“Gross. You have a customer, by the way.” Oikawa immediately realised he was still on the job and there was a very, very uncomfortable customer standing next to him.

“Perks of the job, huh?” He laughed nervously then never made eye contact with Oikawa again.

“Anyway, uh, let’s just pretend that never happened and get on to helping you find what you want. Here we have… something that’s usually stocked in 3 colours, but we only have one on display right now. Let me go to the back and restock them real quickly so you can see.” Oikawa quickly charged in to the storage room to find replacements, quietly lamenting the fact nobody had tried restocking the shelves last night before closing, or even this morning before customers began to arrive.

“Look Oikawa, I found out how it works!”

“Jesus Christ.” Oikawa stood slack jawed. Sugawara sure had found out how it worked, although he may have gone a little further than was necessary. “I asked you to test it, not fill out your wildest sexual fantasies with our stock.”

“Well it’s not like I can try it myself. What did you expect me to do?”

“I sure as hell didn’t expect you to cram a lubed up plastic dick in both its holes. I was hoping you might just read the instructions. What the hell goes through your head?”

“Look! It vibrates!”

“Oh my god…” Oikawa’s faith in humanity was falling apart extremely quickly. “Move out of my way, I need to get some stock. Go clean this mess up in the sink.” Oikawa mumbled complaints to himself as he collected what he came there for, took a moment to collect himself, breathe, and put a warm smile on his face ready to sell every product in the store like the immediate cure to any and all boredom in their life.

 

The only problem was that when he came back out, the customer was gone. As was the only colour on display of the dildo he was trying to sell.

“Did we just get fucking shoplifted? Sugawara! We just got shoplifted by that customer because of you! I hope you’re goddamn happy! I’m getting the boss to take this out of your wages.”

“Are you kidding me? That was on your watch. You should never leave a customer alone and unmonitored in the store. That’s bad service. I’m telling on you, Oikawa.”

“You can’t tell on me for that! Or I’ll tell the boss that you showed up late and then started using up stock in the backroom without paying for it!”

“If you don’t tell on me, I won’t tell on you. You want to go get coffee? I’m parched.” Sugawara tried to defuse the situation with a completely skewed path from the argument. Oikawa couldn’t really believe how quickly Sugawara changed the topic given somebody had just committed a crime in the store. He was fuming, practically ready to burst until Sugawara added to the offer. “I’ll pay.” Oikawa’s two favourite words.

“Double shot of espresso, whip cream, vanilla and sprinkles?”

“Do they have a name for that one? That’s kinda specific.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Is it ‘The child who wants to look manly with a strong coffee but is still a child who likes whip cream and sprinkles’?”

“That’s even longer than what I said you fucking asshole.”

“Do you want a free coffee or not?”

“Sorry.”

“Enjoy~”

 

Reassembling the mess of boxes that Sugawara had made in the storage room was high up on Oikawa’s priority list, as was putting them on display for people to buy, trying to find an excuse for shoplifted stock, eagerly anticipating his coffee, and waiting for the chance to finish his book. It was raining outside, a usual business killer. Sugawara was evidently taking his liberties a little too far with getting a coffee, given he had been gone for about twice as long as it takes to drink a coffee, let alone just go and get one. There seemed to be incoming lightning, and even strong business killer, and Oikawa was torn between hoping Sugawara would get hit, Sugawara would get hit after giving him his coffee, or everyone who planned on coming to the store got hit and he could relax with his box. Retail was, indeed, a bitch, and Oikawa’s present lack of coffee was enough to push him to his limits before he would start trying to find amusement letting $200 vibrators rip at the cashier’s desk and seeing how much they bounce on their own. He shot up in excitement, the bell attached to the door ringing as Sugawara was surely back with his coffee, looking up instead to see a very stoic man shaking off an umbrella and wiping his shoes on the mat.

“Hi the-, Oikawa! You work here?” The man seemed shocked, then slightly amused by the sight.

“Should I know you?” Oikawa had a lapse in memory, not realising the man before him was none other than the captain of his old high school rival team, Karasuno.

“Yeah, I-“ Daichi realised that he was about to remind Oikawa of who he was, then blatantly let him know that he had shown up to a sex shop to buy sex toys, giving him all the room in the world to judge him once he remembered who he was. His new game plan was to avoid actually saying who he was and leave Oikawa in his blissful ignorance. “Actually, no, I know you though, you were in some magazines I read in a doctor’s office once.”

“They keep volleyball monthly magazines that old in doctors’ offices? That’s terrible. I can’t believe somebody would have to look at the state I was in when I was 17. At least nowadays I’m a lot more stellar. After all, that’s why I work here. They typecast the employees, I’m pretty sure. Anyway, how’re you? What can I get you today?” Oikawa feigned enthusiasm and excitement as he waited on the verge of lethargic death for his coffee fetching co-worker. 

“Well, I need something. A gift. For a friend. Partner, uh… We’re in a long distance thing and I want to make things really, really special when we do eventually meet up in Tokyo in a couple of weeks.”

“Romantic. I love it. What do you have in mind for her? We’ve got a fantastic range of lingerie over there if you’re looking to surprise her with something snazzy for her to wear for you. That was a mouthful, uh. Of course, you could wear it too if you want, you haven’t told me much of what you want other than a gift for a friend, and we don’t judge anyone here. It’s a nice and friendly environment.” Oikawa went in to his usual polite yet sneaky salesman trying every trick in the book to make a sale.

“Actually, it’s, ah, a boyfriend, so no lingerie. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Well, maybe, but I want to play it safe. I haven’t seen him in a few months since the last time I had a college game against him. I don’t know if lingerie is the surprise I want. I think I want to start small and then see if he’s interesting in doing more, if you get me.”

“College game? Oh, interesting, tell me more. What do you play?”

“Volleyba- uh, yeah, just some good ol’ fashioned sportsball.”

“Volleyball! Awesome, I grew up playing volleyball.” Oikawa walked Daichi over to some displays of sex toys while striking up the friendly conversation. “I used to play it all the time. I still do in college. I’m just here part time on the days I don’t play or have class. We used to have these… old rivals… called… Karasuno.” Oikawa started eyeing Daichi up and down in a new light, getting more than just a little suspicious of the customer in front of him. “And Karasuno’s captain…”

“Uhh…”

“Daichi!” Sugawara had returned, coffee cups in each hand that were promptly dropped to the ground in complete and utter shock.

“My vanilla espresso!”                    

“Sugawara!” Daichi wanted to melt away on the spot, sink through the floor tiles and escape through the ground, or perhaps live there forever after being confronted by his friend in a sex toy shop.

“My vanilla espresso. No…”

“You know Daichi I didn’t think you were the type. Here for you? Or are you shopping for Kuroo. Need me to help you out? I totally know what you kind of things you two would be in to.” Oikawa was too busy doing all in his power to avoid breaking down in to an ugly mess of tears over his poor, poor vanilla espresso to tell Sugawara to try and maintain professionalism. Sugawara was getting a little too friendly with his friend, so much so that he would probably end up getting fired or docked wages for trying to treat customers as such.

“This was a mistake.”

“You’re damn right it was a mistake coming here without telling me, Daichi! You almost missed out on my expert advice and years of experience. But I’m here now to save you! Oh, this is going to be great. I don’t get to have fun selling things that often.”

“…Years of experience?” Daichi doubted the claim, flashing back to the few years ago they were in high school together, now wondering what kind of shenanigans Sugawara was getting up to behind closed doors, and especially how he had legally obtained anything at that age that could give him years of experience.

“Exactly! Only the best in this store. Let me start you over here. Are you looking to fuck Kuroo with something or are you going to let him slam you?” No sense of shame would be found in any sector of Sugawara’s brain.

“Sugawara! You can’t speak to the customers like that.”

“Relax, we’re friends.”

“I think I want something he can use while he’s slamming me if that’s alright.”

“See?”

“Whatever. I’m going to clean up this mess of coffee you made, and once I’m done, you’re paying for my replacement. My vanilla espresso is not going to be a martyr for you making a sale.”

“Have fun, babe, I drank mine on the way here so don’t feel the need to top mine up.”

“You asshole.” Oikawa returned to the supply closet to get a broken mop, now fixed with bondage tape thanks to some savvy improvisation from Sugawara, and whatever cleaning supplies he would need to clean up the wonderfully scented brown and white mess at the entrance to the store, constantly side-eyeing Sugawara’s attempts at making sales.

 

“Okay, Daichi, here we go. You and Kuroo want some great sex when you meet up, right? Well, you want Kuroo to feel great, but do I have an idea for you, we have this offer, right? It’s really great, Buy three things and the third one is free. You can _both_ do something extra _and_ have something left over at the end!” As friendly as Sugawara was being, he was still a salesman at heart, and Oikawa was furious at how well he played it off.

“Oh, uh, okay… Like what?” Daichi was really, really uncomfortable with the fact that it was Sugawara talking so openly about sex to him, and he knew he was doing it because they were great friends who trusted each other with everything, and Sugawara was really trying to help (and in especially graphic detail), it was just embarrassing hearing him so freely speak of dicks and sex toys.

“Well! Well, well, well! Let me tell you. There’s a ton of it, but we can mix and match it up. Here’s an idea. Start off small. Lubes. There is nothing more important than the lubes. You know that, I know that. You get the cheapest item free, so treat yourself to the luxury brands. Maybe you like them, maybe you buy more.” Sugawara’s attempt to starts some customer loyalty to the expensive brands was obviously not going to work given how rarely Daichi and Kuroo could actually meet up and get off with each other, but he couldn’t help but give Daichi the same buddy-buddy treatment that all customers got.

“There’s luxury lube? Lube is just lube.” Daichi’s ignorant stance was going to be completely and utterly destroyed in a matter of seconds by Sugawara, and there was absolutely nothing that he could do about it.

“Also a good thought! Look at this big ass bottle. That’s a half lire. That’s 16oz of lube. Do you know how much lube that is, Daichi? You’ll probably never have to buy lube ever again because you two never actually see each other!”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Sorry. Anyway, lube is just lube, you say? Oh boy, do you have a bright new world to explore, my man. Look at this. You see this? Vanilla. Vanilla flavoured lube. Tastes like cupcake frosting. It’s great.”

“Uh, why would I want flavoured lube? I don’t eat lube, Sugawara.”

“Not even when you’re sucking dick?”

“Sugawara you can’t say ‘sucking dick’ to the customers!”

“You don’t need lube to suck dick?” Oikawa scowled again once Daichi was completely content to break formality and speak like he and Sugawara were more open than a window on a hot day when it came to sex. He just wanted an excuse to be mad at this point.

“As good a point as any. Here’s menthol lube. You can use it for anything. It smells minty, makes your skin really tingly, encourages blood flow, you can put it on your dick while bottoming just to feel even better, or to get a reach around, I dunno, this stuff is good. Smells like mouthwash. Kinda tastes like mouthwash too, but we’ve already established you don’t get peckish around a bottle of lube, so that’s not a problem.”

“Oh, that sounds pretty nice actually.”

“There’s also this candle that melts in to hot massage oil instead of wax, it’s really kinky and-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there. Give me the lube.”

“So forward~”

“You know what I mean. Aren’t you a little too not-single to be flirting anyway? I get it’s playful but…”

“When I’m off the cock I’m off the clock. Anything goes.”

“T.M.I”

“Anyway, the rest of your three-for-two offer.”

“Right. You said something for me and something for Kuroo is good?”

“Oh yes, let me show you over here.”

 

Sugawara skipped the cheap stuff and went right to the glass cabinets at the checkout to show off some of the more expensive products that the shopkeepers keep under lock and key. Daichi was more impressed by how things looked like jewellery, with price tags to match, than the fact that these things exist and that people bought them. Sugawara harassed Oikawa for the key, then dove in to the magical world of the expensive, convinced that Daichi would quite happily pay out the ass (almost literally) for something to spoil Kuroo with.

“So, Daichi, a Bluetooth dildo, how’re you feeling.”

“Excuse me.”

“Bluetooth dildo.” The display model was on show, so Sugawara could quite comfortably show it off and then take one from the back if Sugawara had managed to make a sale. “Watch this.”

“I don’t understand.” There was quite phallic looking objects sticking out of a circular pad at the bottom, quite heavily weighed down by whatever was inside. A blue light flashed on it as Sugawara pushed a button on a remote control, synching them up. Sugawara pushed a button on the remote, the toy started vibrating. Sugawara pushed another button, it started slowly moving in and out of the circular base, thrusting in to the air. Sugawara pushed yet another button, and it started thrusting so violently while vibrating that it fell over and landed promptly on the floor, where Oikawa was absolutely terrified it was broken, and if not, about to break from being on the somewhat wet floor he had just cleaned up. He left Sugawara to his business while scowling at his wonderful cleaning job being sullied by Dachi’s feet.

“I call it the ‘I’m so desperately lonely without you around that at this point nothing is going to suffice other than jackhammering my butt until I’m unable to walk, I’m in the hospital, or both’. To put it more scientifically, it’s a remote control that works with signals that are compatible several cities across, so Kuroo can control it without you around.”

“My… No…” Daichi instinctively put a hand to his poor backside, threatened with such rectal destruction that he feared the toy rather than felt aroused by it. “Do you have anything cheaper, maybe? Or less intimidating?”

“What a baby. It’s not that bad once you get going.”

“Have you used literally everything at this store.”

“Daichi! It’s rude to ask a stranger about their sex life.” Sweet irony would have been appreciated by just about anyone other than Daichi and Oikawa in this situation. His hypocrisy was ignored as they returned to the standard expensive items sales pitch that Sugawara was doing such a good job of roping Daichi in to. “What about this?”

“It’s just a dildo.”

“Well I’m sorry mister ‘less intimidating’ but I figured you wanted something less intimidating. Besides, it’s not _just_ a dildo. It’s a super special dildo. Watch what happens when I press this button.”

“What the fuck!”

“Relax. It’s liquid silk.” Daichi was horrified by the idea of a dildo that is able to ejaculate, and quite frankly, he was starting to wish he had never come here in the first place. Oikawa was sensing that Daichi was getting a little uncomfortably by the high tech and dragged him away from Sugawara to make his own attempt at sales. After all, there was a commission bonus, so it made sense to do so.

 

“Daichi, my man. Ignore that garbage Sugawara is offering you. That’s for the people who do hard-core BDSM and stuff. Let me get something more up to your speed. Bam!” Oikawa had produced a vibrating buttplug. Daichi was impressed, all but clapping in amazement as if it was a children’s magic show and the rabbit pulled out of the hat was the similarly named type of vibrator. “5 speeds, nothing too intimidating, Kuroo can use it while he bangs you. What do you say?”

“That’s more like it. I’ll take it.”

“Good, good.” Oikawa turned around and winked at Sugawara. Sugawara was pouting in the corner. Oikawa could pay for his own damned coffee now that he had stolen a sale.

“Now, what are you feeling for number three?”

“I have no idea what anything in this store is, I’m scared, intimidated, slightly hungry because it reeks of vanilla in here, and I was under the impression it was your job to tell me what to buy.” Oikawa did not like being sassed, but Daichi was evidently a lot easier to work with when Sugawara was the man leading the charge in to his financial accounts.

“Well then, based on what you have already-“

“I have an idea!” Sugawara charged over the cashier’s desk, knocking off the book Oikawa had been so anticipating getting back to, bookmark thrown askew and his page lost, much to Oikawa’s horror. “Okay, what about…” Daichi’s phone rang.

 

Daichi had never really had a ‘life flashes before your eyes’ moment before. It was a video skype call. From Kuroo. He was in a sex store, and his boyfriend that assumed he was exceptionally vanilla, had video called him. Not only that, he was trying to surprise him with something from the sex store. Quick thinking wasn’t especially a strong point of his, he could have just told Kuroo he couldn’t video call right now, he couldn’t even take a call period, and yet, his mind told him the best thing to do would be lie on the wet, freshly cleaned floor and take the video call, his backdrop now being wonderfully clean, vaguely vanilla espresso scented tiles.

“Hey Kuroo, ‘sup?”

“You’re on the floor?”

“Yeah I am babe, you floored me with your beauty.”

“What do you want from me, Daichi? You never compliment me.”

“I don’t know. You called me. How’s things?” Kuroo went on in wonderful detail about travel plans, when they would arrive and meet up with each other. Sugawara started very, very loudly talking about the dildos they had in stock and trying his hardest to make sure Kuroo could hear. Things got a little too heated. Daichi was incredibly afraid he would pop a hard on for all to see while trying to ignore the graphic explanations of penetration, praying nothing came through to Kuroo.

“So… I’ll see you then?”

“Woah!” Sugawara faked tripping so he could land in the view of Daichi’s phone. Kuroo was happy to see Sugawara. He immediately noticed the sex store logo on his uniform, said absolutely nothing, and carried on as usual. Daichi did not think of the consequences of this, and could not even remotely pick up on Kuroo’s now slightly more flirtatious advances. Daichi really started pushing on to the end of the conversation but now Kuroo was having fun with Daichi’s innocence (or lack thereof) and refusing to hang up. Sugawara was equally as playful, Oikawa was livid, and Daichi just wanted to buy things and go home.

“I’m really in a rush. I’ll see you, buh-bye.”

“Wait, Daichi-“

“Bye!” He hung up and threw his phone halfway across the store floor instead of sensible putting it in to his pocket. Sugawara laughed, Daichi scrambled to get back up and make sure nothing was cracked, and Oikawa was still completely and utterly fuming by the lack of professional conduct going on. All he wanted was one normal day in his quest to self-fund his volleyball career, and he got Sugawara and friends getting in his way.

“So, Daichi, my idea.” Sugawara was still on the floor, apparently content to lie there as Daichi tended to his phone, looking on the verge of tears as it took slightly longer than usual to turn on. “Cock rings, vibrating ones. They make Kuroo thicker, they can make Kuroo turn in to your own personal vibrator, they can get you off while he’s riding you, or both! It’s a two pack.”

“You have my attention.”

“That was it. That’s everything. I just told you everything. Put it on, push a button and go.”

“Oh, oaky. I’ll take it.”

“Is that all?”

“I think so.”

“Those thigh highs over there might look good on you.”

“I’m done. I have no more money.”

“Alright, we look forward to your repeated service! Oikawa, scan his items. It’s my break time.”

“You were on break 30 minutes ago getting coffee!” Oikawa had just about had enough of all of Sugawara’s nonsensical lack of caring about the job that was helping him do the exact same thing as Oikawa, fund his education, and he was treating it like a joke where he had several excuses to get him fired at this point.

“I know, it’s great, isn’t it? I love this job.”

“I hate this job. I hate you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

“Stop calling me babe.”

“Why? You’re my big pig in the city, Oinkawa.” Sugawara’s teasing was pushing Oikawa to the point of wanting to start a fistfight in a sex toy store, something that could only really be described as befitting a tabloid newspaper headline.

“That was a pretty good burn, Oikawa, calm down. It’s just fun.” Daichi joked it off, hoping to simmer the tension in the room before taking his bag, dumping a receipt in to it and strolling off out of the store to make sweet and tender love with Kuroo at some point in the near future.

 

“Oh, my shift is over. Thank god.” Oikawa looked up at the clock, seeing he was done for the day in five minutes. He figured that he could go just give more minutes without another nonsense in the store, but of course, Sugawara would never let him have an easy day. Not out of his own volition, of course, but mostly out of the fact that he appeared to be a magnet for mistakes, filled with reckless abandon and not letting anything be as simple as just working a day to day job in retail. For all people badmouthed the field, he was sure that nobody had it as bad as him. To think he had a crush on him once. And then he had to work with him. Not all young loves are meant to be.

“Oikawa, I need some help in here.”

“What’s wrong?” Oikawa yelled to the voice coming from the back. Sugawara had evidently managed to screw up something else.

“I kind don’t want to describe it, and I’m a little embarrassed to come to you and tell you, can you like, come here please?” Oikawa felt like this was a trap. Still, he ventured bravely in to the stock room, expecting the worst from Sugawara, and the worst he very well got.

“Oh my fucking god, what have you done.”

“Uh, well, I was doing some general things that had to be done, you know, gluing that ceiling panel that was broken back together and putting it back up, testing out the new stock, and, uh…”

“And?”

“So I was putting lube on to this dildo so I could see how this new fleshlight works so I can sales pitch it properly, clean it off, and put it on display in the store, but…”

“But?”

“I grabbed the wrong bottle Oikawa.”

“The wrong bottle of what?” Sugawara waved at Oikawa and the dildo did not fall to the ground. “You fucking glued a dildo to your hand didn’t you? You absolutely colossal fuck up. How do you find new ways to surprise me with your stupidity every single day?”

“Help me.”

“I’m off shift in 3… 2… 1…”

“What? No. Drive me to the hospital.”

“I’m sorry, I think you’ll find on the employee rota that I’m not actually working here right now. Who are you? I don’t know you. I’m not obligated to do anything for you. I’m sure whoever comes in for the rest of the day will help you.”

“I’m alone for the rest of the day until closing.”

“Shame. Bye, Sugawara.”

“Oikawa! Come back! Oikawa!” Sugawara looked at the pink silicone toy stuck to his hand. “Well buddy, looks like it’s just us from here on out.”


End file.
